How could something seemly so innocuous as a duvet cover cause so much havoc? Well let me tell you…
My husband and I recently purchased a king-sized bed. For years we have done just fine with a queen size. We are not big people, so we never even thought of getting a king-sized bed… until we got two little wiener dogs. The wiener dogs insisted on sleeping with us; we literally had no choice if we ever wanted to actually sleep again, because even though they are small in size, they are extreme bed hogs. But that’s a whole other story…
Upon purchasing the king-sized bed, we had to buy bigger blankets and sheets. Never having owned a duvet with a cover, I figured this was my chance to snag one, and Amazon was most obliging. My reasoning was that it would be much easier to wash a lightweight cover than the actual duvet (comforter).
The new bed arrived, and that same afternoon all of the bedding materials, including the duvet and duvet cover, appeared on our doorstep. The first thing I learned about our new jumbo bed is that putting on the sheets was an aerobic exercise. By the time I ran around the circumference of the bed twenty times, reached across it and crawled from one corner to the next, it was the equivalent of a 5K run and 45 minutes of hot yoga.
After a cool down phase from the sheet aerobics, I spread the duvet cover on the bed and couldn’t have been more pleased with the way it looked. There was just one problem…how would I actually get the monster comforter into the cover?
I rarely read instructions, but this time I had to.
“Spread the comforter on the bed, turn the duvet cover inside out and spread it on top. Then reach inside the cover and grab the two top corners. With your hands inside the duvet cover, reach down to grab hold of the comforter’s top two corners.”
I was following the instructions, and at that point, I was nailing it! Using my hands like sock puppets in the corners, I proceeded to the next steps:
“Holding the corners of each tightly, flip the duvet cover right side out over the comforter. Give it a little shake until the cover falls down to cover most of the duvet, straighten it out and button it up!”
Not as easy as it sounds… As I was standing on the bed trying to shake down the cover, I became thoroughly convinced that the instructions were written by a ten-foot tall man with four arms and at least six sock puppet capable hands. I could not hang on to the corners and wield the massive wad of down filling between them while giving it a “little shake.” In fact, the only thing shaking was my arms due to the prolonged exertion.
I finally conceded.
I fought the duvet, and the duvet won.
Unclasping my death grip on the corners, I fell defeated onto the mountain of material and stuffing. As I laid there, I realized two things. The duvet was truly comfortable, and if I was ever going to get it stuffed into its cover, I would need to call for reinforcements.
I spread the duvet and cover back on the bed and bellowed. “Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeear.”
My husband poked his head in the room. “What the hell is going on?”
“I need your help, please.”
Always eager to “help” in the bedroom, his eyes lit up with a come-hither look.
“Not that kind of help,” I said, and proceeded to explain the duvet predicament to him.
He lifted a corner of the duvet cover, then a corner of the comforter. “I still don’t know what you are trying to do. You already have sheets on the bed, why are you trying to wrap more sheets around a blanket?”
“It’s a duvet cover, not sheets. I’m trying to stuff this comforter into the cover like it’s a sleeping bag.”
I told him to pull the cover down over the comforter while I performed the sock puppet maneuver.
“Looks like it’s inside out,” he said.
“It’s supposed to be. When you pull it on over the comforter, it will be right side out.”
We struggled for a few minutes with the unwieldy mass.
“So, tell me again why we need sheets around the blanket?”
“I told you it’s not sheets, it’s a duvet cover!”
Determined, I instructed him to be the puppet master while I tried to pull the cover on.
He reached inside the cover to find the top corners and disappeared. The only thing sticking out was his feet.
“You don’t need to get in it, just wad the material up until you can reach the corners.”
There was some rustling inside the cover.
“Can you grab the corners?” I encouraged.
He emerged from the duvet cover perspiring with his hair full of static and standing on end. “We don’t need this many sheets on the bed anyway – it will be too hot!”
“It isn’t sh…”
He interrupts, “I know, it’s a dumbvay, and it’s a really stupid idea!”
I’m not prone to tantrums but after I had struggled with the duvet for nearly two hours, it had seemed like a good time to have one.
“Just forget it!!!” I wadded the cover and comforter into a big ball, threw it on the floor, stomped on it like a grape masher in a wine vat, and punched it a few times. Vaguely aware that he was standing there with his static hair watching my tirade with that look men get when they think you are “going off the deep end,” I stormed out of the room.
I went for a walk to cool down and decided that I would just stick it back in the box and ship it off to Amazon. Who needs a dumb ‘ol duvet anyway? I thought.
When I got back to the bedroom, my husband was smoothing out the edges of the duvet cover which to my surprise had the comforter inside of it.
“Oh my gosh! How did you manage to do it? I asked.
“Well, once I figured out exactly what you wanted to do, I knew there had to be an easier way. I studied it for a minute and rolled them together like a big taco. I pulled the cover over the end of the roll and as I unrolled them, the comforter unrolled inside of the cover.”
My mouth was hitting the floor. “Wow, that’s brilliant!”
“Yup, bet you are feeling pretty lucky to have such a smart man,” he beamed.
Yes, indeed, I was feeling pretty lucky… until he confessed that he had Googled “duvet” while I had gone on my walk to see what the heck it was, and came across a YouTube video that showed how to roll it up to get the cover on.
Oh well, I was, and still am, pretty lucky to have a man that was able to set aside his personal feelings about the validity of a duvet to make me happy.
I thought I was going to have to guard that duvet cover with my life for fear of having to ever take it off and wash it. But I found the video and I can confidently put it on by myself now.