• Home
  • My Books
  • The Muse & News
  • On My Bookshelf
  • Love My Wiener Dogs
  • Shop
  • Freebies
  • Contact
  • About
    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter

The Country Side Press

Debby Schoeningh, author

What Not to Buy the Ranchman for Christmas

By debbers Leave a Comment

Image by Wolfgang Eckert from Pixabay

When trying to decide what to buy the ranchman in your life, ask yourself three questions: Does it have a motor? Does it have at least one blade? Does it have a trigger? If none of those apply, do not purchase it. I repeat, do not purchase it or your Christmas gift will get stuffed into his closet with last year’s heap of unused gifts.

Obviously the requirements of having a motor, blade, or trigger leaves out the Christmas male gift-giving staples of socks and ties. Ranchmen only buy socks about every five years, so if it has been at least five years since he has purchased any, you might get away with it, but it’s pretty risky. I know when you are doing laundry it is tempting to throw away a sock with holes in it and put socks on your Christmas list for him, but for the love of all that is sacred, don’t ever throw away his socks! As long as it covers part of the heel and even if two toes poke through the boot-worn material, it’s still a good sock in his frugal mind and throwing it away will raise his blood pressure to uncomfortable levels! And if you do buy him new socks, they will sit in the unopened package anywhere from two to three years while he is waiting for the other three toes to poke through his old socks.

A ranchman only needs one tie in his lifetime and style is not an issue. The tie that his aunt Sue bought him in high school 40 years ago is still perfect for any occasion… even though it’s neon green, four inches wide and has little trout swimming on it. His tie, no matter the color, design, or style is good for the occasional wedding or funeral. No other activity warrants anything beyond jeans and chambray shirts. His idea of “dressing up” means removing his hat that we had assumed would take a surgical extraction. Which reminds me, if you haven’t seen your ranchman without a hat for a long time, you might not recognize him. In order to easily find him in a crowd, you might consider slapping a John Deere insignia somewhere on his person.

Which brings us to considering a hat as a Christmas gift, in particular a ranchman’s trademark baseball-style cap. A true ranchman has never purchased a baseball cap; he patiently waits until a kind clerk at a livestock or tractor supply store notices the poor condition of his multi-year old hat and gives him a free one. Although if he hasn’t come across a sales clerk who was inclined to offer him a hat in quite awhile, then you could go to one of the afore mentioned stores and ask for one, which they usually give out free for advertising purposes. If you wrap this free hat up and give it to the ranchman as a Christmas gift, he will appreciate your frugalness; however, you will need to discretely catch his old oil-stained hat on fire with a couple of well-placed Christmas candles (preferably not while it is still on his head) or train the dog to snatch it and bury it somewhere. This is necessary as, similar to socks, if it will still stay on his head, he will wear the hat until the bill falls off regardless of how torn up it is.

A lot of people think ranchmen don’t ever change their clothes and will be tempted to buy them clothes as Christmas presents. But most just buy five or six of the same exact shirt and always wear their favorite style of Wranglers or Levis of which they usually have at least one pair set aside without cow poop stains to wear with their trout tie. It actually makes a little sense because they never have to go through the daily what should I wear conundrum that we women do. But since ranchmen are typically not very flexible when it comes to their wardrobe, I don’t recommend buying clothing for them. It’s best not to mess with their carefully planned and executed apparel system.

So what can you buy a ranchman? Things with blades, which include all kinds of knives, lawnmowers, Samurai swords, windmills and chainsaws. Things with motors include power drills, air compressors, tractors, Ferraris, yachts, and Sherman tanks. Things with triggers include AR-15s, shotguns, pistols, Roy Roger’s horse, Zombie killer guns, and crossbows.

As you can see, there are still lots of things that you could buy him for Christmas, but I’m guessing the ranchman on your list would be just as happy with a bucket of fudge and one of my books.

More from my site

  • Wiener Dogs Fight Over Teddy BearWiener Dogs Fight Over Teddy Bear
  • Author Susan DalessandroAuthor Susan Dalessandro
  • Best NwachinemereBest Nwachinemere
  • Author AJ Mullican Author AJ Mullican 
  • Reducing the carbon hoofprint of cattleReducing the carbon hoofprint of cattle
  • Salt Lick Art Raises $12k for Parkinson’sSalt Lick Art Raises $12k for Parkinson’s
What Shape is Your Planet This Thanksgiving?
Resolutions No Longer My ‘Thing’

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Sign Up!

Featured Book

Tails From the Country Side

Tails From the Country Side
Buy from Amazon

Recent Posts

  • It’s Finally Here!
    It’s Finally Here!

    I finally created a Kindle ebook of my Country Side stories! It includes the best stories from my three print books, “Tails From The Country…

    Read More »
  • Author AJ Mullican 
    Author AJ Mullican 

    AJ Mullican is a prolific writer in a diversity of genres. She writes everything from poetry and thrillers to sci-fi and erotica. She has experience…

    Read More »
  • Author RoZita Berry
    Author RoZita Berry

    RoZita Berry is a prolific writer with nine books to date and more in the works. She has self-published her books on Amazon KDP, but…

    Read More »

Web Hosting

love_my_wiener_dogs

Love My Wiener Dogs
This is the look I get when I stop petting her #wi This is the look I get when I stop petting her #wienerdog #cutedog #lovemywienerdogs #dachshund
#wienerdog,#dachshund, #cutedog, #prettygirl #wienerdog,#dachshund, #cutedog, #prettygirl
#wienerdog, #dachshund, #cutedog, #dirtynose, #dig #wienerdog, #dachshund, #cutedog, #dirtynose, #diggingdog
Talk to the paw. #wienerdog #wienerdoglife #doxie Talk to the paw. #wienerdog #wienerdoglife #doxie #dauchshund
I'm getting the stink eye #lovemywienerdogs #wiene I'm getting the stink eye #lovemywienerdogs #wienerdog #doxie #dauchshund
Got that pesky squirrel! #wienerdog #dauchshund # Got that pesky squirrel! #wienerdog #dauchshund  #lovemywienerdogs #wienerdoglife
Load More... Follow on Instagram

Join The Country Side

Privacy Policy
  • Home
  • My Books
  • The Muse & News
  • On My Bookshelf
  • Love My Wiener Dogs
  • Shop
  • Freebies
  • Contact
  • About

Copyright © 2019 The Country Side Press - All Rights Reserved.

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Cookie settingsACCEPT
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are as essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled

Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.